We need to talk.
Parents of teens know the importance of communication. They also know it becomes increasingly challenging.
Some parents end up shying away from conversations or much-needed correction because they fear the rejection or conflict that may arise. But make no mistake, as parents, we cannot afford to let this happen.
It is our responsibility to keep the lines of communication open—to keep correcting, keep encouraging, and keep asking questions.
That’s why we’re offering our top 5 communication tips for parents of teens, so you can reach out with more confidence and create a health space for those critical chats.
Tip #1: Be An Active Listener
There is listening, and then there is active listening.
We all know how it feels to have someone hearing us, but not being present with us in the moment. If you want your teen to want to talk to you, you need to be an active listener.
That means no smartphone, no TV blaring, or interrupting to talk with someone else.
When your teen is talking, they should feel like the most important thing in your world at that moment.
Tip #2: Ask Open-Ended Questions
Teens don’t always like being questioned. It makes them feel like they’re on trial.
But conversations may never happen if you don’t ask them questions. When you ask open-ended questions, you give them the space to be who they are and say what they feel or think, without the pressure of feeling like they might give a right or wrong answer.
A closed-ended question requires a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer. An open-ended question invites your teen to give a custom response.
Examples of closed-ended questions:
“Did you have a good day?”
“Did you finish your homework?”
Examples of open-ended questions:
“What happened at school today?”
“Where are you with your homework?”
Open-ended questions make your teen feel respected instead of put on the spot. You still may not get the answer you’re looking for, so…ask another open-ended question!
The first question you ask your teen when they come home from school is the most important thing you’ll say to them all day. Be sure you choose your words wisely!
Tip #3: Show Empathy and Understanding
Teens need their feelings validated so much more than we could ever imagine.
When you are in that blessed moment when they’re willing to talk, be sure you show empathy and understanding. Validating their thoughts and feelings without criticism builds trust and strengthens the parent-teen relationship.
One way to do this is to mirror back what they’ve said to you. For example, you could say, “What I hear you saying is that…” or “Am I correct in understanding that you feel…?”
Resist the urge to tell them that their thoughts or feelings are wrong or dramatic or misguided. Teens feel a lot of things that we don’t understand, but trying will go a long way.
In fact, a study found that teens whose parents showed them empathy in turn show their peers empathy and grow up to become more empathetic parents themselves.
Tip #4: Set Boundaries With Respect
One of the biggest mistakes a parent can make is believing they must allow their teen to speak to them disrespectfully. This can be especially true of moms with teen boys who have grown larger and more physically powerful than their mothers.
Boundaries and limits are more important than ever in the teen years. Teens should respect their parents and know that stepping out of line will result in consequences.
When you set boundaries, be sure to do so with respect and balance between being an authority figure (which you must remain) and a supportive parent.
Tip #5: Lead By Example
Teens are still learning how to communicate!
You can help them when you lead by example. Model good communication behaviors, not only with your teen, but with your spouse, in-laws, friends and neighbors.
Teens learn from observing their parents. So be sure you are communicating with others respectfully, openly, and honestly.
In short, converse with others the way you want your teen to converse with you.
If you put these 5 tips for better communication with your teen into practice, you will see a difference in your relationship! The investment will be worth the return.
