“You don’t have to have it all figured out right now.”
The eyes of four young men, two of them my sons and the other two my nephews, locked their eyes on me as I spoke. There was a rare silence in the room from this typically rowdy bunch.
Then, the oldest cut through the quiet moment with a statement that represented them all: “Then why does it feel that way?”
That’s a good question.
Why do teens and young adults feel so much pressure these days to have it all figured out right now?
The pressure comes from all around – school, family, friends, and social media – all shouting the same message, even if only with subtle hints: “Go out and become somebody important, do great things, change the world, and do it NOW!”
I’m 49 years old and don’t have it all figured out. I can’t imagine expecting someone who hasn’t fully developed yet, with limited life experience and so much left to discover, to go from childhood to conquering life in one leap.
So what can we do to help the teens and young adults in our lives navigate life after high school (and college) with confidence?
Here, we’re sharing some tips to help your teen decide what’s next, free from pressure and, hopefully, a whole lot of excitement for the future. Let’s dive into practical tips, biblical insights, and advice rooted in faith that will help your teen move forward confidently.
1. Communicate Openly and Often
I don’t know about you, but I have to say the same thing repeatedly to my teens and young adult kids before it sinks in—if it ever does! So don’t think this convo is a one and done.
If your teen brings up the subject of life after high school, that’s a perfect time to….listen. Yes, when it comes to teens, James 1:19 has the best advice when it says, “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” Really lean in and listen to what your teen has to say. You’ll likely hear uncertainty and fear about the road ahead.
Now, you can offer encouragement. Just like I did with my sons and nephews, it can be something as simple as saying, “You don’t have to have it all figured out right now.” I’ve also found that sharing personal stories about my own bumpy road alleviated a lot of the pressure.
Be a listening ear and a voice of encouragement. Avoid the temptation to say things like, “Well, you only have two months left to figure out what you want to do! College applications are due!” That’s the pressure that makes good decisions difficult to make.
2. Consider Natural Giftings and Interests
When considering the future, your teen’s natural interests and giftings are good indicators of what God has in store. Ask your teen to think about all the things that interest them most.
And…share your own perspective as well. Maybe your teen is very good at motivating and inspiring people or has a natural interest in building things. Or perhaps your teen has a special love for animals or a unique ability to teach others.
Get your teen thinking about what they enjoy most and how that could be a window into a future career.
3. Explore Options Together
There is no one-size-fits-all answer to what comes next after high school, and your teen might not yet know exactly where they want to go. That’s okay! The options available —college, trade schools, entering the workforce, or even taking a gap year — can be overwhelming. Still, they also open up opportunities for your teen to explore every option.
High schools are education-driven, not necessarily career-driven. So your teen will hear more about college than anything else when planning for the future.
College is a great option if it is the right one for your teen. But then there are the endless choices of where to attend and what major to select. Assuring your teen that there isn’t necessarily a “wrong” choice for a college and that a major can be changed might help alleviate some of the stressors associated with this big life transition.
Another way to explore options together is to have your teen try one or more of the following career aptitude assessments:
They may not answer every question and alleviate every fear, but it could bring clarity and more conversation.
Have open conversations about different paths, even the less traditional ones. For example, community colleges or trade schools can be excellent choices that lead to great careers. Encourage your teen to take a career assessment, try internships, or chat with professionals in fields they’re curious about.
Proverbs 15:22 says, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers, they succeed.”
It’s a reminder that seeking advice from others can help them make a better decision. Encourage your teen to find mentors — whether it is a pastor, teacher, or family friend — who can offer guidance and wisdom as they figure out what’s next.
This well-rounded approach can bring a lot of peace for both you and your teen as they move forward.
4. Ask God for Direction
As Christians, we believe God has a unique plan for each of us. So, when our kids are about to enter adulthood, it’s crucial that they, and we as parents, seek God’s guidance through prayer and scripture.
Before making any big decisions, take the time to pray together as a family, asking God for clarity and direction. Encourage your teen to spend time in prayer on their own too, seeking God’s will for their life.
Reading scripture can be a powerful way to hear God’s voice. For example, Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us to trust God’s plan, even when we don’t understand everything:
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
Sharing verses like this with your teen can be a great way to offer comfort during times of uncertainty. Jeremiah 29:11 is another verse that can be encouraging: God’s plans for us are good, to prosper us and give us a hope and a future.
When your teen faces tough decisions, these promises can help them trust in God, not fear.
5. Balance Guidance with Independence
While your guidance as a parent is important, it’s also crucial to give your teen the space to make their own decisions and take ownership of their future. Finding the right balance between offering wisdom and letting them be independent can be tricky, but it’s necessary for them to grow into adulthood with confidence and responsibility.
Encourage your teen to take the lead when it comes to decisions — whether it’s about college applications, exploring careers, or how they spend their time. As parents, we can offer the tools and wisdom, but we must also trust that God has equipped our children to find their own path.
“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” – Proverbs 22:6
Give your teen opportunities to make decisions while still offering support and wisdom when needed. Let them experience the joy of independence and the responsibility that comes with it. It’s a great way for them to build confidence, knowing they can always turn to you for advice.
And don’t be surprised if after multiple pep talks, there is still uncertainty and frustration. It’s where they are right now!
Trust that God has a beautiful future planned for your teen, and rest in the assurance that His hand is on their journey. Encourage your teen to keep their eyes on Him and their heart rooted in faith.
As you help your teen navigate their next steps, remember that this journey isn’t just about reaching a destination — it’s about growing, learning, and discovering God’s purpose for their life. Trust that He will lead them, and know that He will guide your family every step of the way.
